In Brown’s lecture she discussed how more than anything we want to be able to connect with others. How, without connection all meaning in life is lost and without purpose. We look for connection because we fear alienation and being seen as “not good enough”. This fear of not being good enough is shame which actually ends up hindering one from allowing themselves to be seen and thus finding connection in the world. As an artist/ designer the job occupation requires you to “push the envelope”. In order to do this I , myself have spent long night and days thinking of thoughts that are “original” and personal to only me. Once you come up with this seemingly original thought you build up the courage to put it out on display. Then, something funny happens… People begin to relate, and even feel like you are directly speaking to them on a personal level about something that they only believed they thought about. As an artist, my experience has taught me that when I open myself up most for critical judgement from others, that is also when I end up sharing the deepest connection with someone.
To not be vulnerable is to be or act in a way that you believe will be accepted the most by others. To not be vulnerable is to conceal the things about you that make you unique which in contrast end up making you the most easily relatable. Vulnerability looks like a girl wearing sneakers in a room full of women in heels. She explains that she doesn’t wear them because they hurt her feet. All the other women know this all too well but are concerned with fitting in and being accepted for some standard that they feel like that have to achieve to be accepted.
Courage has been the theme of my college experience in many ways. Looking back on these four short years, I can see how far I have come based off of the milestones of experiences that have required the most courage from me. Beginning with my senior year of high school, choosing to go to an art school was a huge deal. It took courage for me to fight my parents who knew they couldn’t afford state school let alone a private college’s tuition. It took courage for me to secretly sign off on the papers to go to RISD thousands of miles from home without my parent’s consent or knowledge. It took courage, to find and figure out my parent’s financial information just to apply for student loans online because I knew no one else was going to do it for me. I signed off on student loans that would end up being more expensive than buying a house. Money that I had never come close to seeing in my 18 years of life but had faith I would one day be able to pay back some how. I had to find the courage to get on a plane for the first time in my life and go far away from my family and friends to somewhere I had never been. Later that year, it took courage to jump into a long distance relationship. One year later , I found the courage to apply to another school and leave what I had always thought was my dream in order to pursue a better education and make the sacrifice to be closer to those that I loved. Last year, I had the courage to say “yes” to my boyfriend of two years when he asked me to marry him on my birthday, knowing that he would probably hold me back in one way or another in my life. And then it took courage for me to pick up the pieces after he took everything back along with his promises and his ring, not once but twice this year. A lot of courage has gone into these past four years and I know that the next chapter of my life is going to require even more. Fortunately, I feel like have have gained a lot of practice, along with bits and pieces of wisdom rather quickly.